I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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