I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
