i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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