Got a toothbrush?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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