So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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