they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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