It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
