I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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