I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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