Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
