soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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