well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
