Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
