Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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