so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
