Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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