hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
