white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
