i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
What did we do last night that was yellow?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
