I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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