She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
