at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
This house was built for laser tag.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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