Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
