I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
