Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
