This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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