i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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