They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
