I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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