some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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