I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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