my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
