she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
