So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
