My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
