i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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