My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
