ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Your penis caused this!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
