Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
