My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
