I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i now understand why vodka
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
