You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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