sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
