Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
