is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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