I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
