The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
