Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
