I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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