Can i not drive my cunt home
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize