She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
