I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
