i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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