you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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