Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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