btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I cut my penus on the lid.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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