You can't motorboat a personality
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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