the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Terrible idea I love it
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
