Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
