i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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