Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
