I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
