Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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