just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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