my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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