people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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