Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize