Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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