Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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