he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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