Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
