Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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