i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize